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Your debut album, bleach, comes out on October 30. How are you feeling?

Haiden Henderson: I’m feeling nervous because really there’s so much of the album that people haven’t heard yet, and I’ve been living with it for so long. Well, it feels like so long. I mean, really not very long. We made this album, and in three months, and a big part of that was while I was on tour with 5 Seconds of Summer. And so I didn’t really listen to my album until I came home from all of that and got to listen to it front to back and almost learned about it after making it. And it’s such a unique experience. So I think nervous, and then excited, because I think the music is going to be much different than people expect.

What story are you telling with this album? And what do you want listeners to take away from it?

Henderson: The story that I’m telling with this album, I think I’m just really evaluating core qualities about myself and all of the positives and negatives that come with those core qualities. And I think each song is sort of exploring my deep desire to be liked by people around me and loved by people around me, and my attention-seeking and validation-seeking behaviour that’s at my core as like a boy. And my willingness to change things about myself so that people do like me or are attracted to me. And so there are songs that are talking about that while I’m like, while we’re in bed, even sex being a performance for somebody. And then there are songs that are a bit more like existential, and then there are songs that are just fun and kind of to me tell the story of what it’s like when you get that validation, you win somebody over, and it feels like this high almost. And so I went into it not really sure what I wanted to write about, but as I wrote the whole project, the story became clear that it was kind of an exposé on a performative boy. In some ways. And what I hope people take away from it is, I don’t know, I guess I just hope that they have an opinion on it. Whether or not they love it or they hate it, I would like for them to feel a certain type of way. … I realized that if everybody likes your music and everybody can agree on it, you’re kind of just making elevator music. It’s meant to be in the background.

Your music has a playful and unapologetic edge to it. How do you balance being vulnerable in your songwriting with still having fun with your music?

Henderson: Someone pointed out to me the other day that anytime I admit something vulnerable, I laugh after. And I think that it’s just like a core quality of mine to, like, say something kind of real and something sort of cutting and then just go, “Ah.” You know, it’s just like my defence mechanism, or I never like things to get too serious. Regardless of what I’m talking about, like I’ll have a pun in a song about sex, and I’ll have like a vampire reference in a song about like ego death or soul-crushing heartbreak. So I don’t really think about it that much, I guess. I don’t know. I have a comic relief built in.

You made your VMAs debut this year with a punk-inspired red carpet look. What was it like stepping onto that carpet for the first time?

Henderson: Oh, nobody’s asked me about the VMAs, interestingly. It was fine. I think carpets are, like, sort of easy. There’s like the Getty Images curse that people talk about, which is like Getty Images always catches you slacking, and they make you look hella chopped all the time. And I think maybe because before I was a musician, I was a model. And I don’t think I was a very good model, but I learned how to approach a camera, specifically for photos. And I spent like a few years in my teens as a model getting shit on by casting directors and then just like finding new creative ways to call me ugly. And so now when I step in front of a camera, even on a red carpet, I feel okay. What was definitely shocking, though about the VMAs is like breathing the same air as Madonna and sitting directly in front of Slayyyter or next to Troye Sivan and like realizing that everybody is so much shorter than you think they are. That’s the number one thing that’s always going on in your head, is realizing that Madonna, like a human powerhouse, is maybe four foot eleven, like so tiny. And it really humanizes everybody in a way. … There’s so many smells too. Everybody smells so different. It’s so interesting. … I was a pop culture kid … I would look up what colognes celebrities were wearing. And then it was always interesting to me to go to like, a Sephora or perfume store or something, and, like, you could smell what a celebrity smelled like. I was a weird kid. But the idea that celebrities were on a pedestal isn’t really a thing as much now that the internet is much more prevalent. But when I was little, that was, and especially being from like a small ghetto town, like that was so interesting to me.

How much do fashion and visual identity play into the world that you’re building as an artist?

Henderson: I think increasingly more and more. And I’m getting closer. I don’t know if I’ve found it yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like I have, but I’m getting closer and closer to feeling like the visuals match the freak of the music. I think now, though, it’s about as important as it was when music videos first were being created. And I think labels are slow, but hopefully catching up to the idea that, like, the music is a very small percentage of what people are consuming, and the visuals that accompany it are the majority of people’s experience with music. And you can really shape how people listen to songs using visuals. And that is evident from all of, I think, the pop music that is breaking right now between Tinashe and Slater and Chappell and Charli. I mean, like everybody has such an incredibly specific and visceral visual language. And with each project that I release, I think I’m getting closer and closer to the thing that’s in my head.

Before music took over, you were pursuing aerospace engineering and even considering an internship with SpaceX. What initially drew you to that world? And was there a moment when you realized music is what you want to do? 

Henderson: I was just an attention whore and thought that rocket science sounded cool, and I was pretty good at math and physics. I can’t say that I am anymore. But it was just it. I went to a high school. I moved out of my ghetto little town and went to a more academically rigorous little town in Southern California. And they didn’t have any creative programs. I never really was creative growing up. Or at least I didn’t feel like I was. And so math and science was just the other thing that I felt came naturally to me. And I’m the first kid in my family to go to college. And I felt the need, this like pressure that I put on myself, to do something impressive and to make my single mom proud of the amount that she had sacrificed to get me there. So it was, I can’t say it was a decision that I was making for myself, but I also can’t say that anybody forced me to make it. And then when the pandemic happened, which was like right when I started college, it kind of just gave me an opportunity to be bored for the first time. It gave me a second to like pull away from the life that I felt like I needed to be living and evaluate it. And I think I was very lucky to actually enjoy my pandemic experience because I was a recluse before the pandemic. So going into reclusivity was very okay with me, and even preferred because I didn’t have a social obligation to leave my apartment or to leave my bedroom. And I lived in my car for a while because I couldn’t afford an apartment. And so I just got to like play guitar for the first time and really fall in love with it. But it became apparent that I was sort of starving myself of all of this fulfillment of, like, making choices for myself and playing something as simple as a G major chord. Like, suddenly made me feel so valuable in a way that I hadn’t before. And I was like, damn, this is what I’ve been missing out on. So I just kept following that feeling. And that led me to songwriting, because I had some medical issues with my hands that prevented me from playing guitar as much as I’d like. So I started writing songs, and then I would post my songs on TikTok, and it was just me acoustically singing them, and the rest is history.

You recently toured with 5 Seconds of Summer. What did you learn from watching them perform?

Henderson: I learned that everything that we do is not as serious and even more serious than I think it is. Like when they’re on stage, they’re just really themselves. I would argue that they’re even more themselves on stage than they are offstage. And that makes sense for them because they’ve been famous since they were fifteen. So I mean, the majority of their life has been in the public eye. But they are masters at building a cult, like a very culty star stardom. …. And 5 Seconds of Summer built their cult on the internet. … And I’m in the community; I’m a fangirl. So I know the intensity of that fandom compared to other fandoms from that time. And the whole time that I was on tour with them, I just wanted to go in and sort of fill the gaps on the tour. Like I knew that the guys were getting a bit older, you know, two of them have kids, and they’ve never leaned into, like, promiscuity or flirtiness or anything like that. It’s always been something that they’re very against, which is very classic. Boy, no boy wants to like, eat it up, you know what I mean? And so I went in and being like, okay, I’m gonna, if they’re not going to do that, I’m going to intentionally try to do that because I know that these fangirls want, they’re like, y n Wattpad moment. That’s like an important part of being a fangirl. And so I was really going there and just like super serving the fandom because I know as a fan what I would want to see from an opener. So yeah, I learned a lot. I just learned how to like interact with my community in a new way because of them.

You announced your biggest headline tour yet. What can fans expect from the live shows?

Henderson: So my last tour, which was called Tension Tour, was really just like a very pleasant surprise because we did not expect it to sell as well as it did. And we would put up dates, and then they would immediately sell out, and then we’d have to add more dates, and then those dates would sell out, and we were like, what is happening? I was so used to hearing that people with an internet following for their music could not sell tickets. And I don’t know what I have done to like deserve people willing to come see me in person, but I think I’m much more prepared and excited to experiment on this tour, because I now know that I am a touring musician, and after doing an arena tour for the first time, like I feel as though there’s not a stage that is too big for me. And so I think that my energy on stage will feel different and look different and feel bigger than it had before. And now that I understand my relationship with my fans, having one headline tour under my belt, and now understanding how to communicate with them better because of the 5 SOS tour, I think it’s just going to be like a super fucking kooky, crazy time where every night is going to be different. And I would say a strength of mine is interacting with the audience while playing. And I’m gonna definitely be taking that to the max. Also, I’m excited to do like choreo for the first time because I started playing with that on [5 SOS] and started using my mic stand as a stripper pole and doing just things that I haven’t really seen boys do in a long time, at least. And I learned that people liked it, and there aren’t very many guys that like hold guitars for half of their show that also do like interesting body movements and like do pop girl shit. Like, pop girl shit is so not with the boys right now. And it’s so annoying because I’m like, guys, they’re fucking, they’re kicking our ass right now. They’re way cooler than us. So I’m excited to bring some of the pop girl energy to my show.

Is there anything you feel like you’re still figuring out as an artist?

Henderson: Fucking all of it. Everything. All the time. Every time I sit down to write a song, I feel like I don’t know how to do it. Every time I get dressed in the morning, I’m just as like indecisive as a sixteen-year-old girl. Like, I don’t know. I’m really just faking it till I make it. The only thing that I think I actively try to get better at and will always try to get better at is following my gut and doing things because I love them. And really avoiding looking to myself to the sides. Like anytime I look at what other people are doing, it always throws me off, and I’m all, you can only be a worse version of somebody else, you know. You’re not really going to be a better version of somebody else. The only time that you will be better is if you are fully committed to doing something that they can’t do, which is in your own toolbox. It’s just like who you are. So I think that’s the most important thing to me, is to make sure that I’m getting better at being myself and committing to that.

What three words would you use to describe this new chapter of your career? 

Henderson: Loud, horny, and playful.

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